


Unlikely Exchanges Hiding From Hens and Wolves

by OlivesBadDreams



Category: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest - Ken Kesey
Genre: Angst, Drama, Friendship, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Identity, Gender Issues, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Male Friendship, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Multi, Poetry, Psychological Trauma, Schizophrenia, Search For Identity, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 23:32:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5605105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OlivesBadDreams/pseuds/OlivesBadDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Their conversations are made up of muffled whispers and crumpled notes - don't want the machinery to record them, to know their secrets.  Their union is unlikely, even illogical; they have Him to thank.  Their hands are shaking, scratching, reaching, fumbling.  They're different.  They're scared.  ... They're similar.  They're friends.  // A poetry fic for Tumblr's One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest holiday gift exchange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. [ Designated at Birth ]

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do another poetry fic because... I don't know. I feel like I can capture the characters more without having to spend time on pointless filler words. & it's something I don't get to do very often for other assignments / projects.
> 
> This is for @thetakingcrocus. I toned down the universe a little bit, but it's the same Ward for the most part.
> 
>  
> 
> Style guide: With these poems we're exploring agender!Bromden & genderquestioning, possibly in the future genderqueer or genderfluid!Harding. Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

The Combine’s there since the day you’re born

 

You come out

Crying and Screaming and Hollering

Down the conveyor belt

Out your mama

Crying and Screaming and Hollering

Cast into a world of machines

 

 

The Combine’s there since the day you’re born

 

BEEP

Light shines blue

Boy

BEEP

Light shines pink

Girl

You keep on the conveyor belt

Crying and Screaming and Hollering

 

 

The Combine’s there since the day you’re born

 

But something went wrong

The machine didn’t beep for me

No blue or pink

No screaming or hollering

Only crying came from my papa

Only colors I saw where

Brown and orange

 

 

The Combine’s there since the day you’re born

 

And they know when there’s a defect

They’ll hunt you down

They’ll weed you out

They can’t stand a defect

They try to catch you before

You get to that conveyor belt

Crying and Screaming and Hollering

 

 

The Combine’s there since the day you’re born

 

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Pink

Always in pairs

Always the same

BEEP

Boy

BEEP

Girl

Down the conveyor belt

Crying and Screaming and Hollering

 

 

The Combine’s there since the day you’re born

 

BEEP

Defect

BEEP

**Defect**

BEEP

**_Defect_ **

BEEP

**_DEFECT_ **

 

 

The Combine’s there since the day you’re born

 

They’ve had their tabs on me

Known I was different all along

I didn’t get that blue beep

Paired with a pink beep

I didn’t go down that conveyor belt

Crying and Screaming and Hollering

 

 

I’ve been a defect all my life


	2. [ Hands ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because EVERY Cuckoo works needs Harding / Hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

_My hands are too beautiful_

_For the rest of my body_

_They’re smooth and sculpted_

_Pretty pink and waxy white_

_What a fate for your_

_Darling Harding_

_Men hate them_

_Women hate them_

_I hate them_

**_I hate them_ **

_When I was younger_

_I tried to hide them_

_In gloves_

_In pockets_

_In sleeves_

_Temporary solutions_

_Just to go outside_

_Just to get by as little_

_Darling Harding_

_When I was younger_

_No matter how tight_

_I curled them up into a fist_

_No matter how hard_

_I scratched those cuticles_

_No matter how much_

_I pounded them against walls_

_They still remained on_

_Darling Harding_

_As pretty and pink_

_As waxy and white_

_As beautiful as ever_

_Smooth and sculpted_

_Soft and slender_

_These hands are from_

_Yours truly_

_Darling Harding_

_Men hate them_

_Women hate them_

_I hate them_

**_I hate them_ **

_They’re not female hands_

_Not fit for rings or polish_

_Not fit for bracelets or perfume_

_But they’re not male hands_

_Not fit for grease or grime_

_Not fit for blisters or boils_

_They’re neither_

_Poor poor_

_Darling Harding_

_I don’t want hands carved out of soap_

_I want to carve them out of me_

_Darling Harding_

_I don’t want a face too pretty for the streets_

_I just want to transcend this pathetic me_

_Darling Harding_

_I don’t want dainty wrists_

_I just want ignorance normalcy and bliss_

_Darling Harding_

_I hate them_

_I hate this_

_Men hate me_

_Women hate me_

_I hate me_

**_I hate me_ **

_Darling Harding_

**_I hate me_ **


	3. [ Thought Police ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a lazy poem, I'll admit it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

Big Nurse

She senses it

The defect

Divergence

 

Big Nurse

She’s a girl alright

The light shown pink

Bulb blew out pink

 

Big Nurse

Though she’s all red

And funny orange now

She’s pink and curves

Lips and heels

 

Big Nurse

She senses it

I’m empty inside

No blue no pink

Just static

 

Big Nurse

She’ll hook me up

Try to fill me with blue

Burn that burb blue

But it won’t

I can’t

 

 

I’m only static


	4. [ Patience ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It gets better. I promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

_Maybe she’ll understand_

_Harding_

_Someone will understand_

_I’m here for help_

_They’re here to help_

_P a t i e n c e_

_Maybe a safe space_

_Harding_

_A safe exchange_

_Will take place_

_With someone_

_A n y o n e_

_You just have to wait it out_

_Harding_

_Just like Bromden there_

_Waiting it out_

_Silent and safe_

_B r o m d e n_

_Could he?_

_No…_

_He wouldn’t understand_

_Find someone else_

_Harding_

_P a t i e n c e_

_Put those hands to use_

_Harding_

_Tap those fingers_

_Twiddle those thumbs_

_Bite those nails_

_P a t i e n c e_


	5. [ Sirens and Static ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

I dream about the sirens sometimes

The blues and pinks

The blankets and bottles

The soldiers and dolls

 

How many out there are like me?

Enemies of the Combine?

Enemies of the conveyor belt?

Neither blue nor pink

Neither Mack nor Ratched

 

How many are here in the Ward?

Enemies of the conveyor belt?

Neither blue nor pink

None of the Chronics

None of the Acutes

 

When I pass them

The Machines in the walls

Beep and flash blue

Wave after wave

Of normal ocean

 

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Boy

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Boy

 

But when I pass Harding

The one who folds his hands

The one who ducks his face

The one who talks too much

The one who shares too much

So that there’s nothing else to share

 

But there’s always secrets to hide

Secrets they pry and find

Doesn’t matter if it’s voluntary

Doesn’t matter if it’s forced

They’ll break you all the same

 

But when I pass Harding

I don’t see a color

I don’t hear a beep

I see the white of the walls

I hear the whirls of the machines

It’s only static

 

... Too risky

 

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Boy

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Boy


	6. [ I write notes like Billy stutters ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

_I can’t just_

_Talk to him_

_In the open_

_That’d be_

_Pardon the expression_

_Suicide_

_But slipping him a note_

_Hastily written on my bed_

_Hastily hidden in my pillow_

_Until I can slip it into his pants_

_Or somehow on his person_

_Just seems too risky_

_Harding_

_Writing rough drafts_

_Hastily and Shakily_

_Isn’t even going well_

_It’s illegible_

_It’s disjointed_

_It’s pathetic_

_It’s… actually rather in character_

_Harding_

_Steady your nerves_

_Steady your wits_

_Steady those hands_

_Harding_

_Ready your resolve_

_Ready your soul_

_Ready your feet_

_Harding_

_You’ll only get one shot_

_Maybe a few_

_Before anyone gets wise_

_Harding_

_Because no one talks to the Chief_

_Harding_

_No one_


	7. [ The Note in Question ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

_Chief_

_You don’t talk much_

_But you listen_

_So can you listen to me?_

_Chief_

_We’re not quite kin_

_But there’s something about you_

_That feels familiar_

_Chief_

_I know of a closet_

_The one you keep your brooms_

_Where we can chat_

_Chief_

_I know you don’t talk much_

_Or at all_

_But just listen_

_~Harding_


	8. [ Failed Attempt #1 ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well that could've gone better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

It’s rough

We’re not ready

Don’t know why

I even took this chance

 

Took us ten tries

Just to get to the closet

Took us ten breaths

Just to look at each other

In the eye

Like equals

 

But it’s rough

We’re not ready

We’re not equals

Why’d I take this chance?

 

Harding’s shaking

Fidgeting

Tearing at the flesh underneath his nails

Tearing at it in tune to the whirling

Of the machines

I know they can sense us here

 

I’m shaking

Fidgeting

Looking around trying to identify

Where the microphones are

Where the cogs and coils are

Of the machines

I know they can sense us here

 

Harding’s quiet

Fidgeting

Almost doing an imitation

Of me to me

Almost playing the deaf dumb mute card

Right to me

 

I’m quiet

Fidgeting

I don’t need to imitate

Me to him

I’m always playing the deaf dumb mute card

To everyone

 

Then he speaks

Voice jumping up and down like a rabbit

Voice waving in and out

Maybe they won’t detect it

It comes and goes

Maybe they won’t tune in

To our location

Maybe we’re safe

 

 

_I’m_

_I’m not_

_I’m not like_

_I’m not like them_

 

 

After he speaks

I give a dull stare

That’s the best he could do?

We’re here in the trenches

We’re here on the front lines

Risking getting caught

Risking getting recorded

And that’s the best he could do?

 

The stare deflates him

About three sizes

He deflates right in front of me

Nearly melts right in front of me

Nearly ruins all the electrical equipment

They got packed tight

In this broom closet

 

The stare demoralizes him

And he slinks back

Tail between his legs

Hands tucked into pockets

Head ducked into chin

Eyes shut into lines

Right on back to his room

 

It was rough

We weren’t ready

We never should’ve tried

I never should’ve tried


	9. [ Attempt #2 ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well... we're getting there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

_After that staggering defeat_

_I changed my approach_

_To my big man_

_The silent brute_

_The looming protector_

_Of this establishment_

_I slipped him a note_

_I had written last night_

_Up late at 3-4-5 in the morning_

_Scribbled and_

_Hurried and_

_Rushed and_

_Afraid_

_It’s the best I got:_

 

 

_Though I failed to convey this_

_In our closet rendezvous_

_I wanted to actually tell you_

_How distant I feel_

_From the rest of our brethren_

_On this good ward_

_That’s the thing_

_You see_

_They’re brethren_

_You see_

_And I’m not_

_You see_

_Though I stumbled and stammered_

_In our closet rendezvous_

_I wanted to actually tell you_

_How distressed I feel_

_Because I just don’t_

_Identify like they do_

_That’s the thing_

_You see_

_They’re men_

_You see_

_And I’m not_

_You see_

_Though don’t take this_

_The wrong way_

_In our written correspondence_

_But I just want to say_

_That I don’t feel either way_

_Male or female_

_He or she_

_But that’s the thing_

_You see_

_I’m not he_

_You see_

_And I’m not she_

_You see_

_So what am I?_

_Chief_

_What am I?_

**_Do you understand?_ **

_If anyone catches wind_

_Of these conversations_

_Harding_

_It’s curtains for you_

_Harding_

_It’s scrambled brains for you_

_Harding_

_It’s **over** for you_

_Harding_


	10. [ Continued Correspondences ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

_My big man_

_Getting bigger by the day_

_My silent brute_

_Writing more by the day_

_My looming protector_

_Who has kept his word_

_Kept his mouth_

_Absolutely shut_

_In this establishment_

_Manages to slip me notes_

_In places and times_

_I thought once impossible_

_But the man is skilled_

_With the hand_

_Not just with a broom_

_Or a mop_

_In fragments_

_He goes on about_

_A machine_

_Turning blue and pink_

_Declaring boy and girl_

_And how_

_It failed him_

_It failed me_

**_It failed us_ **

_While my mother naturally_

_Wrapped me up in a blue blanket_

_Gave me a blue binkie_

_Gave me a blue bottle_

_Gave me a blue bat_

_It failed me_

_These hands_

_Neither man nor woman_

_Were never meant_

_To hold blue_

_To hold pink_

_To hold fast to anything_

_In this latest note_

_He declares we should try again_

_Tomorrow night_

_He promises he’ll bring_

_A pen and paper_

_Doesn’t want anyone to hear_

_Us_

_Harding_

_You could learn from him_


	11. [ I know what you scribbled in the dark ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> & I don't even like that band.
> 
>  
> 
> & yes there's a reference to Gaster in here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

The man who speaks in hands

Can be quiet

And still

And calm

When he so chooses

 

The loudest we got

Was the shuffle of the scraps of

Paper and scrapes of pen

Because they’re out there

Lurking and Looming

Scanning and Scheming

Waiting and Winning

 

 

_So my big man_

_If you’re no Gentleman_

_Or Gentlelady_

_Then what are you?_

 

Nothing

Static

Hollow

Empty

 

_No need to be so dire!_

_Surely there’s some other way_

_To place your_

_Predicament?_

 

You are

Empty

Hollow

Static

 

_Now I’m not quite sure_

_I’d identify this way_

_My good man_

_I mean Chief_

 

You are

Hands

Lips

Ribs

 

_Why yes I daresay those features_

_Are quite mystifying_

_And perhaps even responsible_

_For this madness_

 

Hollow

Ribs

Lips

Nails

 

_Why yes my Chief_

_I daresay_

_I do feel hollow_

_About all this_

 

Hollow

Not empty

Static

Not nothing

 

_Say Bromden_

_Do you think that light_

_Of yours could flicker_

_Both pink and blue?_

_Say Bromden_

_Do you think that light_

_Of yours could turn_

_Another color entirely?_

_Say Bromden_

_Do you think that light_

_Of yours could be_

_Any color it wants?_

 

I’m

Nothing

Empty

Hollow

Static

No color

 

But you

Harding

Maybe

Yes

Yes

Maybe

 

_Say Bromden_

_Do you think that light_

_Of yours is the sun_

_And not a bulb?_

_Say Bromden_

_Do you think that light_

_Of yours is full of stars_

_And not static?_

_Say Bromden_

_Do you think that light_

_Of yours is infrared or_

_Ultraviolet?_

I’m

Big

Full

Blackhole

Supernova

 

You’re

Vast

Bright

Eclipse

Galaxy

_Say Bromden_

_Do you think that light_

_Of yours is a chief_

_And not a man?_

Yes

Chief Blackhole

Chief Supernova

Big Chief

Full Chief

Bright and

Bold

 

Harding

Not meek Harding

Not dainty Harding

Harding the Eclipse

Harding the Galaxy

Bright and

Bold

 

_Thank you_

_My friend_

_My dear Chief_

_See?_

_That wasn’t_

_So hard_

_Now was it?_


	12. [ In the Presence of Him ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your god.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

_Hubris_

_I suppose_

_That’s the only way_

_To explain it_

_Like a giddy schoolgirl_

_Passing notes in class_

_To her crush_

_I passed them along_

_To Him_

_In some vain attempt_

_That he’d understand_

_Me_

_Both of us_

**_Us_ **

 

 

**Hell’s Bells**

**Harding!**

**What’s all this**

**For?**

**If you got problems**

**With machines**

**Get yourself a**

**Toolbox**

**If you got problems**

**With fingernails**

**Get yourself a**

**File**

**Hell’s Bells**

**Harding!**

**You’re anything but**

**Hollow!**

**Hell’s Bells**

**Harding!**

**Chief’s anything but**

**Empty!**

 

_That’s_

_Oh that’s_

_That’s not what_

_We mean_

_Mack_

 

**If you got problems**

**With your chest**

**I’ll pound it out for**

**Ya!**

 

_That’s_

_Oh that’s_

_Hardly the solution_

_Though I might take you up_

_On that offer_

_Later_

 

**Hell’s Bells**

**Harding!**

**Does this have to do**

**With that broad of**

**Yours?**

**Does this have to do**

**With that hen-pecking theory of**

**Yours?**

 

_No_

_Oh no_

_Mack you’ve got it_

_All wrong_

_This started before I ever_

_Came here_

_This started as soon as I_

_Was born_

 

**If you got problems with**

**Delivery-**

 

_Mack_

_Oh Mack_

_Forget it_

_Just forget it_

_Good day_

_Good bye_

_Oh no_

_Oh_


	13. [ Grin and Bear It ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes the aftermath is messy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

The machines are humming

Something awful

Something angry

Ever since Harding

Spoke in hands

Slipped Mack the note

Deflated both of us

 

The machines are humming

Trying to fight the competition

From Mack’s hollering

From Mack’s thumping

From Mack’s grinning and groaning

Ever since he read the note

He’s been trying

To talk to us

 

But the machines are humming

The Ward is watching

Bet they got a conveyor belt

All their own

With a scanner

To find rejects that

Don’t set off their bulbs

 

Mack

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Boy

 

Billy

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Boy

 

Cheswick

BEEP

Blue

BEEP

Boy

 

Harding

BEEP

**DEFECT**

BEEP

**_DEFECT_ **

 

Me

BEEP

**DEFECT**

BEEP

**_DEFECT_ **

 

AIR RAID

**_AIR RAID_ **

Can’t take that chance

Can’t take that chance

AIR RAID

**_AIR RAID_ **

Can’t take that chance

**Can’t take that chance**


	14. [ Damage Controlled ]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**You awake?**

**I’ll be quiet**

 

**He stirs**

**He nods**

**He sits up**

**In the bed**

 

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**I’m**

**I’m sorry**

 

**He squints his eyes**

**He tips his head**

**He opens his mouth**

**Then purses his lips**

 

**Chief**

**You keep silent**

**I’ll talk**

**You write**

 

**I pass him a**

**Crumpled flyer**

**And a pencil nub**

**Smaller than my**

**Pinky**

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**Tell me**

**Tell me everything**

 

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**I wanna make things**

**Right**

**We’re brothers**

 

**He takes the page**

**He frowns**

**He scribbles**

**He frowns some more**

**When he passes me**

**The note it’s**

**All machinery again**

**Blues and pinks**

**Some binary code**

**I don’t understand**

**Like two sets of hands**

**That Harding hates**

 

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**I just don’t**

**Get it**

**He gets up**

**He thumps my chest**

BLUE

**Thumps his chest**

NOT

**Thumps his thighs**

NURSE

**Thumps my pillow**

GIRL

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**Just what are**

**Ya gettin’ at?**

**He points to**

**Our window**

**With the moon**

**So bright**

LIGHT

BOY

BLUE

LIGHT

GIRL

PINK

**He points to his**

**Chest and his heart**

**With his large hands**

**And larger arms**

LIGHT

NONE

SUN

LIGHT

NONE

BIG

**He points to the**

**Note that Harding shared**

**To me with shaking**

**Hands and shaking teeth**

LIGHT

MANY

STARS

LIGHT

MANY

VAST

**He pounds on his chest**

STATIC

SUN

NONE

BIG

**He pounds on the note**

GALAXY

STARS

MANY

VAST

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**What’s with the**

**One word answers?**

**He blinks and**

**He smiles and**

**He chuckles and**

**He smacks his notes**

**His thighs and**

**His chest and**

**He writes**

**One Last Note**

Easier to understand

Than the Combine and

Their conveyor belt

Easier to understand

Than all our static

In that broom closet

Easier to understand

Than our whole lives

In and outside

These white walls

**Alright my Chief**

**Chief of the mops**

**And brooms and rooms**

**And stars and suns**

**And nothing and every**

**Damn little thing**

**I understand**

**Chief**

**Hey Chief**

**I understand I**

**Understand**


	15. [ Now I ain't a fortune teller ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well here comes the closest to romance you're gunna get from this fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

**Now I Ain’t a Fortune Teller**

**Harding**

**But Chief straightened me out**

**All last night**

**An’**

**I gotta say**

**Heh**

 

_He takes my hands_

_In His_

_They’re rough_

_And worn_

_And wrinkled_

_But strong_

_And gentle_

_And His_

_He takes my palms_

_Runs his_

_Fingers down_

_My lines_

_So smooth_

_And grins_

_And smirks_

_And licks_

_His lips_

 

**Now I Ain’t a Fortune Teller**

**Harding**

**But what you got there**

**There in yer chest**

**That’s infinite**

**An’**

**Special**

**Heh**

 

_He takes my hands_

_In His_

_And holds_

_Ours to_

_My chest_

_And I_

_Forget how_

_To Breathe_

_He takes my fingers_

_In His_

_And folds_

_Ours into_

_Each other_

_And I_

_Melt_

_And sigh_

_And gasp_

 

**Now I Ain’t a Fortune Teller**

**Harding**

**But between you**

**Me**

**An’**

**Chief Blackhole**

**We might just**

**Live**

**Forever**


	16. [ On Lights and Stars ]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> C'est fini.
> 
> & I passive aggressively end on Chief... like you're supposed to... like this fandom & every damn one forgets to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Style guide: Bromden is the plain text, Harding the italics, & spurts of McMurphy the bold.
> 
>  
> 
> Trigger warnings for gender dysphoria.

Couldn’t sleep from the

Whirling of the Machines

And the Static in my head

Screaming STOP THE

AIR RAID AIR RAID

STOP STOP STOP

 

Won’t sleep from the

Whirling of machines

Static in my hands

Lights in my eyes

Screaming BOY GIRL

BLUE PINK

ORANGE ORANGE ORANGE

 

Approach the window

Burning white

From the light

Of the moon

And the glow

Of the stars overhead

 

I sound like

Colonel Matterson

But

The moon is Harding

Handsome and

Glowing

Its light reaching earth

Thousands of miles away

Reaching and

Radiant

 

The stars are Harding

Majestic and

Multiple

Clusters of potential

Relative shapes

Up to interpretation

Cosmic and

Magnificent

 

Harding is clusters

Of changing light

Moving lights

Wondrous beautiful light

 

Harding is galaxies

Of light

Of change

Infinite

 

I sound like

Colonel Matterson

But

I am the sun

Golden and

Brown

Its light reaching earth

Hundreds of

Thousands of miles away

Piercing and

Proud

 

I am the blackhole

Enormous and

Endless

Invisible to most

Mistaken for shallow

For mute

For cold

Cosmic and

Magnificent

 

I am static

I am the

White noise the

Whispering noise

No noise

 

I am absence

Of gender

Of them

Infinite

 

The window pane is

Cold and familiar

My reflection is

Warm and familiar

But I am so much

Larger

Than I ever was before

 

The machines stop

Their whirling

Their hissing

Their groaning

The static stops

Its screaming

Its screeching

Its sobbing

 

I am Chief

Chief Bromden

And I

Someday

Will be

Free


End file.
